How to go to the movies with your infant…and toddler.
I take a fair amount of pride in being able to take babies to the movies without needing to walk out or ruining the film for everyone around us. During Erin’s first year there hardly seemed to be a movie at all that we didn’t see (usually with her asleep in the backpack, stroller, or car seat). I grew so proficient at it that I even wrote an entire, lengthy post full of tips about how to take an infant to the movies.
When Erin turned one year old she was so babbly, though, and so interested in what was going on that it really was impossible to take her into a theater and hope that she’d fall asleep. We entered the doldrums, the infant-free, child-free movie watching phase when Emily or I would go the movies separately while the other stayed home to watch Erin. Rarely we’d have a babysitter or grandma there and we’d both go out, or we’d sneak a matinee while Erin was at daycare.
Since Adrian arrived we’ve not curtailed our movie-going. He is as easy to take to the theater as Erin ever was, with the lone difference being he is less likely to just fall asleep in a motionless car seat than Erin. I saw “Julie and Julia” last week and took about five minutes at the beginning of the movie to swing his carseat around while standing in the gangway and then he was out.
Even when he wakes up it usually only takes a couple of minutes of swinging to get him to fall asleep again. This is fine if we are sitting near the entrance (which we always do) and can dash out to the gangway for a moment; it’s not so great if you’ve decided to seat yourself in the middle of a row twenty stairs up a stadium seating theater. So, I don’t recommend you do that.
It doesn’t even occur to me to worry about taking him to the movies. I’ll just go. I know how to do it. I know what to avoid, what times to go, what to bring, where to sit, what to do before hand to prep. If someone would just give me money to do this I’d call myself a professional and not feel the least insincere about it. I’m like a Baby-Bringing-To-The-Movies Green Beret.
So, what does a BBTTM Green Beret do when he feels really and truly confident in his abilities? He lets his wife take a late-morning nap and takes both kids to the movies: the infant, who has turned into an old pro at this himself, and the toddler, who hasn’t been to a theater in over a year and who can barely sit still at home. When I walked into the cineplex to buy tickets the staff looked upon my face in wonder: Who was this dad who was not only out with two small children in the middle of the day, but who was brave, or foolish, enough to bring them both to the movies?
It was a total success. Adrian slept through almost all of the gerbil/hamster/rat movie (possibly called “G-Force”), and Erin stayed in her chair and watched the movie almost entirely without talking through the whole thing (“What’s that guy? That’s a hamster. That’s a hamster.”) So, helpful BBTTM Green Beret expert that I am, here are some tips:
1. Read my “How to go to the movies with an infant” post, because all of those things still hold true if you go with an infant….and a toddler. Especially the part about Paul Giamatti.
2. Invest in the unusual snack. This might be the popcorn combo deal with the drink and candy, if your toddler never gets popcorn or candy or lemonade at home. Or it could be something you bring in with you (stash it in the bottom of the stroller or in the infant diaper bag.) Just make it unusual enough to keep your toddler’s attention. She isn’t actually going to be looking at the screen and following the story all that well, so if she’s interested in something else for brief periods of time it’s better that it’s the popcorn box than the kid three rows up with curly hair (“Hi! Hi! Hi! You have curly hair!!!!”)
3. Use the booster seats. At the cineplex we tend to frequent there are stacks of booster seats to be found. You want to use these because, well, your toddler probably isn’t quite heavy enough to keep the fold-up chairs from folding her up halfway through the movie when she sits back too far in them and ends up with her feet pointed at the ceiling. Also, the added height might discourage her from trying to get down and run around the aisle.
4. Keep the wipes handy. You tend not to need wipes out when it’s just you and the infant at the movies. All you need the wipes for is the diaper change and you don’t do that in the theater itself. But with a toddler, especially one who has just held onto a sticky candy straw for forty-five minutes you will need wipes quickly to head off the constant announcements about how dirty her hands are and how much she desperately wants to wash her hands. Just keep the wipes out.
5. Pick a movie your toddler will watch. Unlike bringing an infant to the movies, and essentially just bringing a tiny body that is uninterested in what’s going on, your toddler will see the screen, process the images on the screen, and remember what was on the screen. You probably shouldn’t go see Halloween 2 with your toddler. (This is a shame, because I think it’s never too young to learn that the people having sex and doing drugs are the ones that get killed first at parties in abandoned houses.) You will have to go to the movies that have the most colorful action happening. No boring talk talk talkies. Those are perfect for your infant, who will hopefully remain asleep. But with a toddler in tow you want to go to the cartoons and the zany family comedies. I know, you’d rather your eyeballs be gouged from your head than see “Space Chimps” and if that’s your only option then why the hell are you going to the movies anyway? I know. I know. But if you are contemplating taking your infant and toddler to the movies then you, my friend, have a problem and I know you saw “Space Chimps” on your own anyway and you just can’t tell anyone.
6. As always, be prepared, and willing, to leave immediately.
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Now I’d like to share some tips I picked up today when Emily and I brought Adrian and Erin to see “Ice Age 3”. Even a professional, Baby-Bringing-To-The-Movies Green Beret like me has failed missions, and this was catastrophic.
1. Do not go to the movies after your toddler’s naptime. I don’t really know about yours, but mine is far less likely to just sit down if she’s freshly rested. Go before nap, preferably just after a light lunch or late snack because you want the movie snack to do some work for you. I’d really, if I were pressed, just recommend going before lunch and letting the movie snack do its job, but then the nutritionists will be up in arms about “children needing more in their diet than just butter” and I can’t stand the thought of voices being raised quite so preachingly in my direction. Go after lunch. (But really, go before lunch. You see this? This is a parenthetical remark. The self-righteous and the busy-bodied cannot hear me when I speak in parentheses.)
2. Do not enter the theater without feeding your infant within twenty minutes of curtain. Better to do a feeding with half an hour to go in the film than only half an hour into a film, because there’s no telling if your baby is going back to sleep after eating or if he’s going to be awake until you unhitch his carseat from his stroller and walk down the gangway a little bit and swing him for a few minutes. Would you rather do your swinging (or other distracting move) for a few minutes at the end of a movie or in the middle when you aren’t sure when your help will no longer be needed?
3. Do not, in defiance of my own damned advice in the Infant post, leave the formula and water unmixed and sitting in the diaper bag in the dark theater so that twenty minutes into the movie your infant starts crying and you have to scramble for what feels like an hour to mix a bottle and stick it in his mouth.
4. If you go with someone who is breastfeeding your infant do not be the one sitting next to the infant. Make her sit there (and by “make” I of course mean gently ask if she will want to breastfeed during the movie at any time and then suggest that it might be easier on her and the baby if she is close by. And then it is her choice of where to sit. She may end up sitting four rows back because you’re a jerk. Her choice. You do not “make” a breastfeeding woman anything. Except a sandwich.) Especially if, as in #3, you have neglected to pre-mix the formula.
5. Do not, in defiance of my own damned advice in the Infant post, load up on drinks, popcorn, candy and Super Nachos before sitting down. Not only is it difficult to maneuver a bottle while trying not to drop guacamole on your shirt (trying…) if you have to leave suddenly you are leaving a whole lotta cash value behind. Those nachos had sour cream on them too. And salsa. They were fantastic. But they were soggy by the time I got back to them after swinging the baby for a while.
6. If you are going to be giving your toddler popcorn, candy, and lemonade during the film, under no circumstances ought you to give her ice cream before hand. Oh my god. No ice cream. Do you want to see what my toddler was doing halfway through “Ice Age 3” while her mom and baby brother were in the theater? I’m serious about the “no ice cream” thing.
It doesn’t take much to spoil a movie outing. It doesn’t take much, but boy did we ever give it much.
Learn from this, folks. Learn, and enjoy your movie.
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So tottally changed one of the twins in the theater itself cause after this many kids it is easy to whip out a diaper and change the offending child, or mabye cause I was to lazy to go back to the bathroom, though your more a pro than me, cause the last movie I before a month ago was HP5 2 summers ago with 3 kids last month I took 6 of the kids to see it, the only bad part in the whole movie was when the 2 year old yelled Mommy I got to
S*** talk about emarassing. And the looks I got buying the tickets they thought I was INSANE
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Holy shit! I’m never giving my kid ice cream…EVER. Hi-larious.
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I’m still laying in bed, being all lazy. Can I borrow a half cup of her energy?
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Dude, just watching her made me tired.
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OMG – that video! I’ve seen that somewhere before…. ? Oh yeah, last week when tried G-force for our girl’s first movie… maybe on the 2nd (or was it the 3rd?) trip out to go “pee”.
Love this post!
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I haven’t been brave enough to try going to a movie with my guy. he’s up too much during the day now and he baby talks CONSTANTLY. Seriously, you can barely get a word in edgewise with this child :) Will have to re-review your tips, though…see if we can brave it :)
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Last month was the first time we attempted a theater experience with our son. He’s 2.5. As an infant I was always too scared because he was such a light sleeper I thought for sure we’d spend $20 and have to leave 5 minutes into the movie. So…I think you’re brave!
Also I totally agree with your snacking advice. When we went we got Jamison M&Ms, his most loved candy that he rarely gets. We tried to ration them out, but you can only spread a small package out over so many minutes. Around the time the M&Ms were gone he’d lost interest in the movie :-)
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I’ve been taking my 3 and 4 year old girls to the movies as long as I can remember. They love to go! This summer I even bought a 10 week movie pack and we went every Wednesday for 10 weeks! I applaud you and your movie going skills. I hope that other parents will find something helpful and venture out themselves!
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I am laughing so hard right now. I attempted to take an infant to the movie once…never again. You and your wife are brave souls.
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Great post… I always appreciate people who are so good with their kids in the theater.
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Am I the only one who would never take a baby or a toddler to a movie? I don’t think it’s a healthy way for them to spend two hours and I don’t think that catatonic look on their faces means they are “processing images. ” Television and movies are not for babies and young kids, in my opinion.
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Backpacking Dad Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
You’re surely not the only one who would never do it. Snide remark about “catatonic looks” aside you are probably articulating what many people feel when they think about infants or young children in that environment. It should be obvious that I disagree with your health assessment. But I’m not a doctor, pediatrician, child psychologist, neurologist, or any other professional who might study the impact of movie theater environments on young children. I know a little bit about brains and neural network learning but that doesn’t really inform my decision to bring my kids to the movies at all.
In the end I think brains are always, always processing their environments; even a completely dark one, or a completely silent one. Whether my child is going to do his processing (or even sleeping) in a movie theater instead of on a mat on the floor staring up at a mirror toy isn’t, for me, a decision that impacts his health. I’d like to know more about the health impact you believe accompanies bringing an infant into a movie theater: what are the long term and short term repurcussions you imagine; what evidence you’ve been shown that convinces you so strongly about it; or even what the chain of reasoning is that sits behind your belief if you haven’t actually been presented with evidence or actual consequences. I don’t subscribe to a radical precautionary principle even when it comes to children. If I did I would never leave the house for fear of them being hurt in some imagined way. But it might be that you do believe in a stronger version of the precautionary principle than I do, and I’d like to know why.
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This is an awesome post. I remember taking our five month old son when we watched Marley and Me in the theatres. I think I watched a third of the movie int he corridor.
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I have been a French teacher for 10 years and took special interest in media/images and learning when I began teaching a course on French film. I happened to be pregnant at the time and I was wondering how I would handle tv with my own children. As I learned more about it, I became of the opinion that media definitely has its place in education, but only for much older children. I don’t believe it has any value for younger children.
I am now a parent of two. My daughter is 3 and has never watched a movie and only just recently has been allowed to occasionally watch 30 minutes of tv a day, but already I dislike the way she completely zones out when she watches tv. She is bright and articulate, but when she is in front of the tv she often will not even respond if I ask her a question. It just feels wrong to me, and for me, instinct alone would be reason enough to make a parenting decision. But my own pediatrician’s recommendation, which follows the recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics, sealed the deal. This is one paragraph from a longer statement from the AAP:
3. Pediatricians should urge parents to avoid television viewing for children under the age of 2 years. Although certain television programs may be promoted to this age group, research on early brain development shows that babies and toddlers have a critical need for direct interactions with parents and other significant care givers (eg, child care providers) for healthy brain growth and the development of appropriate social, emotional, and cognitive skills. Therefore, exposing such young children to television programs should be discouraged.
The full policy statement is here:
http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;104/2/341
Finally, I want to say that I love to veg out in front of the tv and I love the movies. My husband and I used to go to the movies almost every weekend before we had kids and I miss it terribly. I would also love to get a ton of things done or take a much-needed rest while my kids watch tv, but I also believe that life changes dramatically once one has children, and that my sacrifices during these few short years will have major long term benefits. I’m hoping that my kids will be readers long before they are media gobblers.
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Backpacking Dad Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
I don’t mean to be disingenuous here, but that recommendation from the AAP has nothing to do with whether or not an infant’s health is put at risk somehow by bringing him to a movie. I think you’ve extrapolated from that recommendation (designed as all public policy recommendations are to deter abuse by the lowest common denominator) to some broader belief that exposing young children to an environment that has media in it is unhealthy. It’s a bit of fallacious reasoning. I understand the worry, but it doesn’t seem to be rooted in anything other than a hyperactive precautionary principle.
It may be detrimental for children to sit and watch television for hours and hours, day after day, at the cost of interacting with caregivers. None of that is at issue here. The AAP recommendation that you’ve quoted provides no guidance for you on the topic of bringing infants to the movies. If anything, they’ve done you a disservice by not being clear enough about what their recommendation means, and it’s allowed you to extend what they say beyond their actual considered (and probably researched) opinion.
Your insincts will serve you and your daughter as they should. They aren’t a license to offer recommendations, or passive-aggressive criticisms, to other parents though. I apologize for my tone, but I think you’ve taken some liberties here in the service of self-righteousness. If I’m mistaken and I misunderstand what you’re doing here then I’m sorry.
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Amen, BPD.
And the video was awesome. :)
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I apologize if my tone came across as overly critical. I obviously have strong feelings on this subject and I do think that media exposure and overstimulation is a serious problem for our children. I recently read “Last Child in the Woods” by Richard Louv, which is indirectly related to this topic, if anyone is interested.
I’m sure you can understand the obvious connections I see between tv and movies and why I think the AAP publication could apply to movies. I think my points are clear, so I’ll leave it at that. I wish you the best.
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Here’s what this post taught me:
I will never get to go to the movies again. Your daughter after ice cream? Is mine, like, ALL THE TIME.
Also, I may be rotting her brain with all of the TV and movies I let her watch. Or, you know, educating her. Who knows? I know a hell of a lot of our peers were raised on Sesame Street, SheRa, HeMan, My Little Pony and GI Joe and I would wager a guess than none of them are sitting below a 100 IQ.
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Zoeyjane, I’m afraid you are WAY oversimplifying a complicated issue.
And just a ps. to my last post, and then I swear I’m done here. If you read the full AP publication or even just the abstract, you will see that movies are included in the recommendation.
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Vicky, I did read the full publication, and nothing in that article says anything that supports your instinct. The article mentions “movies” as part of “media”, and what it says about media is this:
1. American children spend too much time, on average, with passive media.
2. Media delivers images of violence.
3. Media delivers images of smoking and drinking.
4. Media delivers images of sex.
5. Excessive use of passive media is associated with childhood obesity.
None of those statements have anything to do with bringing an infant to the movies, or possible health effects on infants who are brought to a movie theater.
As far as the actual recommendation (rather than the one you imagine is there) , it is about limiting children’s exposure to media based on the above risks. If your child is old enough to be affected by images of smoking, drinking, sex, violence, and if you are using the television as a babysitter the AAP would prefer that you change that behaviour. None of that is relevant in a discussion about whether bringing an infant to the movie theater is unhealthy for him.
I know you want it to be. You have strong feelings about media exposure. But nothing you’ve offered supports your instinct that parents shouldn’t ever bring a infant to a movie theater.
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I disagree with your interpretation and with so many other things you said, but I’m done with the discussion.
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Ben from The Suburban Dad Reply:
August 14th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Thank you Vicky!
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Backpacking Dad Reply:
August 14th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Are you REALLY done this time? Because you’ve said that three times now and you keep coming back in order to…I’m really not sure. I don’t believe you are just trolling. I think you’re sincere. But you’ve failed at both critical thinking and reading comprehension and you’re spewing nonsense around like it’s gospel, and I won’t let that go unaddressed. Least of all on my own blog.
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Woah. You should have stopped at “thank you.” You’re verging on desperate. And very bored.
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Ben from The Suburban Dad Reply:
August 14th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Why would he say thank you to you? You did sound like you admonished him and other parents on here with your comments even if you had good intentions with it. You could’ve just walked away instead of responding again.
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Backpacking Dad Reply:
August 14th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
I didn’t say “thank you”. That was Ben.
Again, you failed at reading comprehension. I’m not surprised. You aren’t smart enough for what you’re trying to do.
And really, you promised that you were done. You went off in a huff after I showed you how unsupported your position was, how inadequate your evidence was, and now you’re back again. Well, hiya. Come back anytime. I don’t think I’m going to be nice anymore, though. Good luck, Vicky. I wish your students well.
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Ben Reply:
August 14th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
yeah i said thank you cuz she said she was going to stop…. but alas… hopefully now it’s over…
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Ben Reply:
August 14th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
yeah i said thank you cuz she said she was going to stop…. but alas… hopefully now it’s over…
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OH SNAPS!
Seriously, everywhere I look these days parents are parenting OTHER people’s kids and forgetting about their own. Saw it today in Shoppers, a woman told me that I shouldn’t have my baby “out in this heat” while her kids knocked things off the shelf and screamed.
It’s a catch 22 really.
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This is the most fun I’ve had reading comments all day. BPD….you can take my kids to the movie anytime (not that you volunteered or that I would ever ask you because, you know, I LIKE YOU, and no one should be submitted to my kids without armor for protection.
My kids love movies and they have fun when we go. It’s a fun family activity and they love getting to do “grown up things” with Mom and Dad.
I’m thinking they will turn out okay in the end. At 10 and 7 they are healthy and fit and show no signs of serial killer tendencies. Sometimes (gasp) they even talk to me during movies.
Vicky, you should stop, you probably won’t win this fight…not here anyway.
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Also, by submitted, I mean subjected. I was watching TV when I typed this and obviously became catatonic. Sorry ’bout that.
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Ben, I screwed up on that one. Alas, I am human.
BackpackingDad – Blah blah blah. Whatever.
p.s. You need a copy editor. Big time.
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Backpacking Dad Reply:
August 14th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
It’s frustrating, I know. You spend all this time becoming half-educated, then you form half-considered opinions about things, go off half-cocked on a stranger’s blog, and he points out how half-assed your efforts are and leaves you feeling like a half-wit. With nothing left to contribute, no points to make that will convince an audience that you were anything close to right or vindicated, you sputter and stammer: “You need a copy editor!” Red-faced and ashamed, you have nothing left but random insults. It’s okay. I probably do need a copy editor. I hadn’t realized that I was using too many big, confusing words. I should dumb it down a little so you can keep up.
I accept your surrender. Come back anytime, Vicky.
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Wow, what a ‘debate’. Thanks for twittering/tweeting/twitting/whatever about it so I could enjoy.
Here’s my 2 cents worth – I think if you are brave enough to take babies and toddlers to the movies then good for you. I am relieved to read that you are prepared to leave at a moment’s notice – so many wouldn’t care if their children were disturbing other people. A movie ticket costs too much (here) to gamble that the child will not scream and force me to leave.
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This was good fun!
I’ve been taking my kids to the movies since they were 4 months old. For me it’s much more about my sanity than theirs, and they handle it beautifully, as do I.
Well played, BPD, both in the post and in the comments.
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Wow, this has been informative AND fun!! :)
I’ve only taken my son to one movie, but we watch a lot of movies at home as a family, having movie night with popcorn and everything! My husband and I rarely go to movies alone, so it’s not like we’re leaving them out. heh
I honestly think if I had read this when I had an infant I would totally have taken both my kids to the movies and very much enjoyed it. As is, they are both almost to the age of being able to see movies in the theater without much trouble. (er, I think)
On the other hand, I know many people who never take their kids to restaurants and we’ve taken our kids since they were infants and they are (9 x out of 10) really good, so we’ve got that going for us….which is nice. =)
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I sort of agree with Vicky. I hate the way my kids act with TV. And my kids bug me too much to take them to the movies. I can’t afford to go and to pay that much to not enjoy something isn’t in me.
But, once when my daughter was a baby I took her, but she laid on my lap nursing the whole time.
But, hey, to each his own I say. And I found this from twitter. I like to see how other people deal with this sort of stuff.
Now I gotta go read the post. And what a great thing to have happen to you. Create some interest and here you are with a new reader!!! ; )
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And this people, is why I hate arguing with Shawn.
Well played Burns. I’m kinda proud of you.
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Okay, I’d like to start off by saying that I am not condoning using television in excess to “babysit” your children or anything of the like. However, I would like to point out that the statement that children tend to zone out while watching tv can be correct. However, when I was a kid, I would zone out in the very same way while reading a book. If I was reading, my parents literally had to rip the book out of my hands to get my attention.
It is easy to zone out on something that is entertaining. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. I know people who zone out to listening to classical music. And they say that listening to classical music is supposed to be good for you; something to do with the way it stimulates the brain.
I just wanted to point that out.
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