Guest Post from Meghann: The One Where I Had a Clump of Grass in My Nose

10/06/2010 By Shawn Burns

Meghann is a Twitter friend who writes a blog called Midget Invasion. She thinks it’s funny that she didn’t get the midgetinvasion.blogspot address. She also thought I would never post this, but even a post about nose-grass is better than 95% of the content on here, so she’s classing up the joint.

In high school, I was the girl that got her finger stuck in the bunsen burner hole in the lab table.  In college, I almost fell off the Cliffs of Moher.  In adulthood, I own a cat who is allergic to its own teeth, and in parenthood, I had a kid electrocuted in Walmart once.  So really, NOTHING surprises me any more.  When something new and baffling happens, all I can think is "Ah yes, so this is the insanity for this week."

A few weeks ago, I decided to mow our lawn.  Most of you out there are thinking that is no big deal.  Most of you out there are wrong.  Our yard is frickin’ huge, and we have a dinky little push mower that the self propel thingie on broke, and I’m a giiiiirrrrrrl.  I mowed that yard though.  I mowed the crap out of it.  (Literally.  We have a dog.) It’s been really dry here, so a ton of dust and grass and junk was flying around through the air but I didn’t think much of it.  I figured I’d just be sure to shower and it would be all good. 

Later that night, my nose started to run, which sucks.  I figured it was just from the pollen in the air from mowing, and I hoped I’d feel better in the morning.  Well, the morning came and I actually felt worse.  I had started sneezing like I haven’t sneezed since I was a kid growing up in Houston.  (a.k.a. Pollen Capital of the World)  I put my big girl panties on and just dealt with it, because I was flying out of town that day to visit friends.  I acted as healthy as I could at the airport, ignoring the posters about not flying if you are sick.  Nobody was the wiser, and I got to my destination, where I proceeded to spend the entire weekend completely miserable.  The sneezing kept up, my eyes started watering randomly throughout the day, and I had to sleep with a wad of kleenex shoved under my nose so I wouldn’t get the pillow all gross.

It was a fun weekend, let me tell you.  I once again ninja’ed my way onto the plane to go home without anyone realizing that I was less than healthy.  We land, and I get in my car for the drive home, feeling even worse as the sinus pressure is starting to get to me as well.  I’m driving down the interstate, sneezing, eyes watering, and randomly blowing my nose, trying not to crash the car.  During a really straight stretch of the road, I decide to get as much crap out of my nose as I could.  I blew and blew and blew, and then. . .I felt some sort of pop.  Something had dislodged and I felt a chunk of something come flying out of my nose.

I looked down into the tissue.  (Oh hush, you would have too, and you know it.)  At first I freaked out, because it looked like a bug.  Upon further inspection, I discovered it was actually a clump of dirt and dried grass.  That apparently had been in my nose for three days.  Yeah.  Ew.

I kid you not, after it was out, my eyes didn’t water once, and by the time I got home, I was already feeling better.  The next day, I was almost back to 100%.  Apparently my misery the entire weekend was from that little clump hanging out in my nose.

Moral of the story? I dunno.  Blow your nose after you mow the lawn I guess.

p.s.-picture of clump available upon request.