Giveaway! You could win this string cheese!

Now, when I say “this string cheese”, I don’t mean “this brand”. I mean this one. It might be kind of old when you get it, and it won’t have been refrigerated, so I wouldn’t eat it if I were you.

But it’s the giveaway that matters, right? Don’t you want to enter to just win whatever?

To Enter:

Please leave your name, address, phone number, social security number (social insurance number, for you Canadians; favourite Python, for you Brits), scariest dream, last three jobs, and your Twitter username and password.

I will select a winner at random (so random, I’ll just choose now: it’s entry number 638) and that person will have their identity stolen and will get this string cheese.

Enter now, enter often.

The Worst Giveaway Idea Ever: The #BlogHer11 and #HomeHer11 Terrible Jam Giveaways (Winners)

This was the worst idea I’ve ever had. Is that hyperbolic? I don’t know why I thought I could pull this off.

So, the Terrible Jam Giveways: I had people attending #HomeHer11 enter to win by leaving a comment over on this post with the #HomeHer11 hashtag and enter to win some terrible jam. I said I’d pick a winner sometime on Saturday night.

Ha.

I didn’t open my computer the entire weekend, and I only sent out the link to the giveaway maybe twice to the #HomeHer11 crowd, and both of those were before BlogHer even started. So, I had very few entries (which, well, the jam is terrible, so of course), and I didn’t even choose a winner on time. But here: The winner is Emsxiety. Applaud for her.

The other part of this giveaway involved me bringing another jar of jam to BlogHer, making people say “O Captain My Captain” before I’d give them a numbered business card, then drawing a number while at the conference so I could give the jar away to the winner. This was totally idiotic.

First, it was idiotic to ask people to greet me that way, because who does that? (Although, you brave few souls who did? I love you.) Second, I actually refused to give my business card out to people who didn’t say it, because I was saving the few I had for this giveaway. What. The. Hell.?.?.?. Literally, refused. Like, I gave one out to a person who did the “O Captain My Captain” thing, and then when her friend asked me for a card I was all “No. I’m saving these.” Idiot.

Second, I didn’t tell anyone on Twitter while AT BlogHer that I was doing this, so it’s not like everyone I met was all “Hey, you’re doing that Terrible Jam thing, right?” They would just give me a card, and I would say “Hi” and not give them a card (because I was saving them) and then we’d be awkward and I was walking around with a pocket full of numbered business cards that I wasn’t giving out.

Third, I actually announced the BlogHer jam giveaway winner while at the conference, but it was at 2 am, on Twitter, after several parties, when I remembered the damned thing after walking into my hotel room and seeing it on the table. I have no idea who won, because I WASN’T KEEPING TRACK OF PEOPLE. No, I thought I’d just announce the number and of course the person would see, on their blazing #BlogHer11 twitter stream, that I had pulled their number.

Fourth,…no, no more.

The winner of the #BlogHer11 Terrible Jam is number 7. Whoever has card number 7. I have no idea who it is. You probably threw the card out already.

God I’m stupid.

Don’t let me do giveaways for your product. I can’t even do them for my own.

Once again, congratulations to Emsxiety and Card Number 7, whoever that is.