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Guest Post from Adam: My Love Letter

Posted on 10/07/201008/23/2011 by Backpacking Dad

Adam Avitable is best-known for being an asshole in public and a humanitarian in private. He has friends in spite of himself. We get along well. I apologize in advance for what’s about to happen.

Hey there, Backpacking Dad fans. I’m Avitable, aka the guy who shows his nuts on the Internet. I’m recently divorced and dating, and while I’ve found lots of beautiful, lovely women who can’t get enough of a funny, hairy fat guy like myself, there’s really only one person for me. And when he asked me personally to write a guest post (do not DARE suggest that he asked the entire Internet by posting it on Twitter like the sad, pathetic, desperate loser that he is, because I will cut a bitch), how could I say no to those beautiful blue eyes? This was my chance to finally declare my love.

The top ten reasons that I want to fuck Backpacking Dad are as follows:

10. He is a philosophy geek, so you totally know he’ll just want to lay around and ruminate on life’s mysteries surrounding post-orgasmic bliss.

9. He’s just so fucking pretty!

8. Since he’s Canadian, I know he’ll be polite and ask permission before making a mess on my back.

7. San Francisco is his home now, so he’s probably gay and just won’t admit it.

6. The man can fill out a pair of jeans.

5. He loves Buffy and Joss Whedon as much as I do. How can I let a lack of vagina get in the way of true geek love?

4. I’m a sucker for huge foreheads.

3. When I write “Mrs. Adam Burns” in cursive on my notebook, it looks really great.

2. He’s married to a lawyer, so he’s used to swallowing a load.

1. I already know that he likes things going into his “backpack”.

Thanks for letting me guest post, lover.

44 thoughts on “Guest Post from Adam: My Love Letter”

  1. mapsgirl says:
    10/07/2010 at 8:07 AM

    OMG! I'm so glad I'm not drinking coffee right now cuz I would have spit out. That has to be the funniest thing I've read!!

    You guys are awesome!!!

    1. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 9:13 AM

      I'm sorry that you think you can laugh at my deep love for Shawn. I'm hurt now.

      1. mapsgirl says:
        10/07/2010 at 9:16 AM

        I didn't mean to hurt you. And your love for Shawn is evident… it's just the way you express it.

  2. Anonymous says:
    10/07/2010 at 8:22 AM

    Man love.

    1. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 9:14 AM

      It's the purest love of all.

  3. Redneck Mommy says:
    10/07/2010 at 8:39 AM

    I feel dirty now.

    But I'm glad someone seems to like Burns. Other than his wife. Everyone needs to have options.

    1. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 9:15 AM

      I love how I can always make you feel dirty so easily.

  4. Anonymous says:
    10/07/2010 at 8:44 AM

    I am just grateful you didn't include an illustration.

    1. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 9:15 AM

      Do you want a personalized one?

  5. Loralee says:
    10/07/2010 at 8:44 AM

    7. San Francisco is his home now, so he’s probably gay and just won’t admit it.

    Hey, I will totally fight for his right to marry you, Adam. :)

    1. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 9:15 AM

      You're a doll, LL.

  6. NeCole says:
    10/07/2010 at 9:01 AM

    Awwww, how sweet! If you are looking for a fag hag, I'm right here waiting, lol.

    1. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 9:19 AM

      We're accepting applications.

    2. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 4:19 PM

      We’re accepting applications.

  7. Avitable says:
    10/07/2010 at 9:09 AM

    If you're willing to post this, why did you mail me back my promise ring? *Sob*

  8. Lona says:
    10/07/2010 at 9:29 AM

    wow, after my recent horrible breakup, this post made me feel like love can exist in this crazy, mixed up world after all.

    1. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 12:44 PM

      Guy love is the best love a man can get.

  9. carrie koehmstedt says:
    10/07/2010 at 9:31 AM

    The man can fill out a pair of jeans. Word.

    Love it!

    1. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 12:44 PM

      His ass looks like two gophers wrestling.

  10. HeadlessMom says:
    10/07/2010 at 10:11 AM

    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahha! I needed an internet laugh today.

    It's a good thing I know both of you, or I might be worried.

    1. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 12:45 PM

      Oh, you should totally still worry.

  11. toywithme says:
    10/07/2010 at 10:15 AM

    Personally I think you just wanted to check out his manscape.

    1. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 12:45 PM

      He's like the wild African manbush tundra down there.

  12. Karen Sugarpants says:
    10/07/2010 at 10:26 AM

    Jim is gonna be SEW MAD.
    ♫ Caught in a bad Bromance… ♫

    1. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 12:45 PM

      I'm waiting for him to send me nasty emails.

  13. poppycede says:
    10/07/2010 at 11:54 AM

    I've been in the same room as him! For Hot Blogger Calendar! But I wasn't in the calendar so I doubt he remembers.

    He is very pretty. I had no idea he's Canadian! That's a bonus!

    1. Backpacking Dad says:
      10/07/2010 at 11:57 AM

      You were with NYCwatchdog, yes?

      Surely my memory isn't that bad.

      1. Avitable says:
        10/07/2010 at 2:44 PM

        Why are some of my replies disappearing? Are they in your spam filter?

      2. poppycede says:
        10/08/2010 at 11:25 AM

        Yes! I'm his girlfriend. :) I am surprised you remember! Hi!

    2. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 12:46 PM

      I know – pretty Canadians are awesome.

  14. Winn says:
    10/07/2010 at 12:37 PM

    He's Canadian? And likes Buffy and Joss Whedon? And really fills out his jeans??? It just gets better and better! *sigh* I'd be jealous of all this bro-love but I'm not a dude, so I guess it's okay.

    1. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 12:47 PM

      The only thing wrong with him is that little scrap of hair he calls a goatee.

  15. Ms. Snark says:
    10/07/2010 at 12:40 PM

    Best thing I've read today.. with a lawyer joke too. Heh.

    1. Avitable says:
      10/07/2010 at 12:47 PM

      Lawyer jokes make the world go 'round.

  16. Bethany says:
    10/07/2010 at 4:52 PM

    Mrs. Adam Burns…. *snort* This is so wrong… but so right… I'm so confused.

    1. Avitable says:
      10/08/2010 at 7:29 AM

      Why confused? I'm just a man asking another man to let me fuck him.

      1. Becky says:
        10/08/2010 at 8:34 AM

        That pretty much sums it all up right there. In one neat package. (I said package!)

  17. Babyshrink says:
    10/07/2010 at 7:50 PM

    This is going to be an interesting act to follow, Shawn. Thanks! (I think?)

    1. Avitable says:
      10/08/2010 at 7:30 AM

      Everyone should just give up doing guest posts for him after this one. :)

  18. Becky says:
    10/08/2010 at 8:35 AM

    I'm jealous, but I'm not sure of who exactly.

  19. Natalie says:
    10/08/2010 at 11:04 AM

    I can't decide whether this makes me love the both of you a bit MORE or a bit LESS…..it's a draw.

  20. Zoeyjane says:
    10/10/2010 at 2:46 PM

    Okay, sorry Jim, where ever you are, but that totally blew guy love out of the water.

  21. Anonymous says:
    10/11/2010 at 5:58 AM

    I always knew I could never measure up. I guess I'll just have to stay with women.

  22. Kevin says:
    10/14/2010 at 2:47 PM

    Does Busy Dad know you're cheating on him?

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