This planet sucks. Let’s get a new one.

04/22/2009 By Shawn Burns

I think that despite my social liberalism I’m kind of a “I don’t give a crappist” when it comes to the planet.

No. Not so extreme. I’m a “roll my eyes at you in your Prius while you wear your hemp shirtist” when it comes to environmentalism.

I love the world. I don’t love people. People are often deplorable to one another for stupid reasons. I’m sorry I didn’t vote to fund more protection of the California Wild Peanut Ant. It didn’t feel important when I lined it up against other things. Stop egging my house with your organic eggs.

I’m the worst member the Green Party has. Because I don’t sign on to the belief that environmentalism is a political philosophy that ought to determine how we behave toward one another (and that’s what it is, in the long run, since it would tell us where money goes, who is lauded and despised, which actions are permitted and which resisted by force). Because I, unlike probably most people on the planet, think that the point is to go out.

The point is to move. Maybe to return here, from time to time, as the sun cooperates and doesn’t annihilate the planet. But the point is motion, the constant rebellion against entropy, the revolution against stasis.

So while it’s cool not to burn down the rainforest, that’s not the top priority. The top priority is survival.

Environmentalists know this too, and they will present their arguments in terms of our own species’ survival. And it’s just true that if we wreck ecosystems we are dooming ourselves, if we haven’t figured out how to leave.

If we haven’t figured out how to leave we will fight population wars as the civilized West Greens itself right into a position of self-defense against countries who over-pollute and over-populate. And all the work we’ll have put in to reducing our waste won’t mean a thing, because now we have to treat other people like animals in order to save ourselves.

We’re never going to leave, are we?

Oh well. Best get to recycling then, and hope for the best.

Happy Earth Day.