I told my dad I would help make him a world famous banjo star.

by Backpacking Dad

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“What can I do to help?” you ask.

Make it the new Rickroll. Make it the new Star Wars Kid. Make it the new Piano Cat.

Use it in every day conversation: “So, I was walking in the house the other day and then I totally Grandpa Banjo’d my toe on the table leg.”

I’d like to state that my father, for some reason, has decided that he’s going to Old Man-ify himself. It started with the hat, a wool cap he bought in Ireland on our trip in 2006. At the same time he adopted a walking stick, a shillelagh from Tipperary. Then he added the glasses, which I’m pretty convinced he doesn’t need. He put on a vest the other day and I almost buried him. But now the banjo…what the hell? They’re all affectations. He’s not that old. Although he is shrinking and I have to crouch a little when we take pictures together so I don’t tower over his frail elderly frame.

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In the comments below please suggest what my dad can do next to Old Man-ify himself. I’ll pass the suggestions along. Maybe next time I see him he’ll have started knitting or something.

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  • ame i.
    White socks with sandals paired with loud plaid shorts! Good banjoing though, Your Dad!
  • - Mow the yard twice every day...cause he has nothing else to do.
    - Drive 20 MPH below the speed limit.
    - Wear pants that ride up pasty white his leg revealing his plaid socks when he sits.

    Cool video by the way... :D
  • Well, wearing that tweed hat, he needs to make sure he NEVER switches his turn signal OFF when he's driving... that's a dead giveaway.
  • I love his O'Neills jersey!! Up the G.A.A.
  • He needs to carry around a pocketful of Werther's Originals and watch Wheel of Fortune religiously.
  • A trick my dad used? suspenders! yep he now looks like my grandfather
  • Ear hair, black socks worn with orthopedic sandals, and the TV volume permanently turned up just past comfort level.

    And that banjo is nothing - I've just spent a week at my parents being barraged by all things ukulele. " Look - it's my new soprano ukulele! My tenor ukulele is over there! Here, watch this guy play ukulele on You Tube! Ukuleleukuleleukulele!"

    (And yes, he even has a banjo that he TURNED INTO A UKULELE.)
  • This was a cute video, but that was not Wildwood Flower. Sorry. I'm not a troll. I hate to burst his bubble, but my son plays bluegrass and I know Wildwood Flower when I hear it.
    I love the horse!
  • It is Wildwood Flower. He just doesn't have the rhythm of it yet. He's leaning way back off the notes like a jazz singer would, but never catching up.
  • Wow. That sounds bitchy. I'm up way too late to be commenting on blogs.
  • Suggest to him that he start obsessing about his daily bowel habits. "I have not had a BM since yesterday. What is wrong? "Bring me prunes. I need Metamucil!!!" He must then be able to think of nothing else until this issue is resolved.
  • abby
    he totally needs to polyester slacks pulled up to his armpits, and the button down butterfly collard shirt, that clashes, tucked into his underwear. with the underwear showing at the back. scary.
  • Way more ear and nostril hair.

    While yes, there is technically nothing he can do to make this happen naturally, he could look into getting a weave.

    Also, tell him to start frequenting buffets at 4pm. (Taking along napkins to wrap food up and squirrel away in a man bag would also enhance his image).

    P.S. Your dad makes me happy. God, I love the banjo. (I know.)
  • He needs to let the eyebrows get a little less tame, that is a dead giveaway to being an old man. I also support random facial hair.
  • kathygee1
    He needs to tuck his shirt in, then hike his waistband up almost up to his armpits. That's a great look for any old man.

    I do have to say he is adorable!
  • overalls. or COVERalls. Ya know, those one piece cotton ensembles that have a single zipper from waddle to past the crotch? nothing says OLD MAN like those.
  • Golf shoes and suspenders.

    And please pass along my request that your father come join one of my family gatherings. Between his banjo, my ukelele and my husband's mad accordion skills we would totally rock. Foxy Knoxy would die of delight.
  • He needs to fall asleep in his chair right after dinner, then regale you the next day with stories of waking up at 3 a.m. and watching TV until breakfast time. Man, I hope that never happens to me.
  • He has to sit in front of Fox News or golf all day, every day when he's up and the TV is on, and he also has to pull quarters from the grandkids' ears and laugh uproariously at the magic before presenting them with the coin and telling them to "Don't go spendin' that quarter all in one place now!"
  • He needs to throw an Old Man Sweater and Teenstache Party.
    (that way you can attend too, little man!) All the attendees have to wear an old man sweater and aside from you, fake a teenstache. Take pictures.

    Love the banjo, Pops.
  • He also needs to start eating dinner at 4:30 in the afternoon and talking about where he can get the cheapest meals or where he can use coupons.
  • @karmannguy
    here are all things your old man could do to old man-ify himself. They aren't all necessarily recommended to be done all at once, or all together. He should just pick what works best:
    long pointy beard
    handlebar mustache
    suspenders
    pipe
    walker (cuz if that doesn't make you look older than the yung'uns with a cane, I don't know what does)
    a chair lift in the house
    a lincoln or a cadillac (because that's all i ever see old men driving these days)
    pith helmet. cuz nothing says crazy old man like a pith helmet.
  • SheWho
    The favored accessory of old men is beautiful young girls, so you need more pictures of him with the daughter. ;)
  • Cindy
    I'm thinking a pipe is the next correct Old Man accessory. And as a side note, your dad is picking claw hammer style and that is not easy to do. Yay for old men and new hobbies!
  • The Tipperary hurling jersey - LEGEND!
  • Your sister Shannon
    Hahaha the pony is the best part. So funny just hanging out in the sideline.
  • Oh well in that case...plaid flannel shirt. And slippers :)
  • No, no, no - knitting is for old WOMEN! He should stand out in the yard in plaid boxer shorts, black socks, and sandals and shake his shillelagh at the neighborhood kids while yelling at them to turn that racket down, get off his grass, when he was their age he had two jobs, and other imprecations. And he should cup his ear and say "Eh? Whazzat ye say? Speak up, sonny, don't mumble!" Oh, and he should definitely wander around muttering to himself, occasionally cutting loose with a random expletive or interjection to keep people on their toes.

    That's a good start, I think.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who teases her Dad that he's a crusty old fart...because he is)
  • A cane/walking stick, definitely.

    Yeah, for your dad the banjo player!!
  • Crap. I forgot all about the walking stick. He totally has one!
  • I like the half-glasses, but think he could do with a day old beard and an ascot. Maybe a goatee.
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