Why I Deserve A Nintendo Wii

03/25/2010 By Shawn Burns

Miss Britt, renowned blogger renowned the world over because of her great renown, is giving away a Nintendo Wii. I don’t really want it, but I left the following comment over there in response to the question “How will you fit exercise into your routine with a Wii Fit Plus?” and now that I think about it I’m pretty awesome, so I thought I’d share. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to out-awesome me.

When I wake up in the morning I make breakfast in bed for my invalid wife. She can’t walk because of some Victorian illness. Then I get all seven of my kids dressed and ready for for their day collecting cans and bottles for CRV money so we can pay the rent on our studio apartment. It takes a long time to get seven kids ready. After they’re all dressed I give them the leftovers from my wife’s breakfast (she doesn’t eat much nowadays, being all Victorianly ill) and I walk them to the neighbourhoods where they’ll be working that day.

Then I go volunteer at an orphanage for REALLY needy kids. These kids are the ones adopted from China but then they got too big and the parents were all “I didn’t know they GREW!”

After my shift at the orphanage I make my way over to the Sad Kitten Rescue Center and try to get sad kittens to play with string.

Then I go to work, making $.03/hour developing new therapies for heart cancer. We’re really close to a cure.

I head home, picking up all the kids and taking them to the recycling center to cash in their cans and bottles. When we get home I make a broth from whatever odds and ends they’ve picked up during the day. Today was scarf soup with a birds’ nest crouton. My wife really appreciated the extra fiber.

After putting all the kids to bed on the rattan matt in the living area I cuddle up with my wife and we fall asleep thinking about all those kids in Africa we want to adopt whenever we get the money.

So, I guess what I’m saying is, I’d use the Wii Fit Plus to get some exercise while the Soup of the Day was cooking. And my kids could play with it and maybe forget for a while that they’ve never been in a real classroom, or played with any kids who didn’t smell like flat Coke and squirrel poo.