Quick Lesson in Nurture

04/06/2010 By Shawn Burns

As Erin and Adrian were finishing their lunch I was flipping through channels. I paused on that deep character study of an addict coping with her disease, otherwise known as “Confessions of a Shopaholic”, subtitled “Even Stupid, Vain, Shallow People Can Have All Their Dreams Come True If They Just Don’t Work For It And A Handsome Dude Saves Them. Boogaloo.”

It’s on AFI’s 100 Most Thinkiest Movies of the Week of Presidents’ Day 2009.

Erin finished her lunch and put her plate in the sink, then came over to the living room. “What’s she?” she asked, pointing at Isla Fisher as she was portraying Rebecca Bloomwood, shopaholic extraordinaire, as her chickens came home to roost  with little to no negative effect on her life for the seventh time.

“She’s vapid,” I replied. Then I regretted it. Because I knew Erin would immediately ask “what’s vapids means?” or “Why she is vapid?” and I was going to have to have a whole discussion about high school and MTV and college basketball and people who prefer Star Trek to Star Wars (idiots). So in order to head off the inevitable, scarring discussion with its shattering revelations (“Darth Vader is Luke’s daddy? How come why those guys thinking Captin Kark hugging the green lady is funny?”) I took the shortcut.

“She’s vapid because her parents didn’t love her enough,” I wised.

Then I laughed and I laughed and I hugged Erin and tickled her on the couch (that’s the spot behind her ears) and she kept asking me why I was laughing and I had nothing to say.