09/20/2010 By Shawn Burns

When I say “You need to listen to me and stay close by me while we’re in the store or you will get some bad consequences” I always, always forget that actually following through on those consequences is more of a punishment for me than it is for her.

I’m the one who has to hear “But I want it!!” at however many decibels it takes to melt corneas. I’m the one who has to wipe toddler tears and snot away with my hand because I don’t have tissues handy and we’re in the goddamned store and please stop crying now.

I’m the one who either has to say “No” every five seconds in response to “Can I have it now? Can I have it now? Can I have it now?” or ignore the question at the peril of getting a “Daddy! Can I have it now I said!”

All of her problems can be easily solved with a little self-examination and reprioritizing of wants and needs. If she were only more in tune with her rational nature and critical thinking. There are classes.

My problems, on the other hand, are hard to deal with. There are no earplugs that will block out whiny three year olds.