Guest Post from Adam: My Love Letter

10/07/2010 By Shawn Burns

Adam Avitable is best-known for being an asshole in public and a humanitarian in private. He has friends in spite of himself. We get along well. I apologize in advance for what’s about to happen.

Hey there, Backpacking Dad fans. I’m Avitable, aka the guy who shows his nuts on the Internet. I’m recently divorced and dating, and while I’ve found lots of beautiful, lovely women who can’t get enough of a funny, hairy fat guy like myself, there’s really only one person for me. And when he asked me personally to write a guest post (do not DARE suggest that he asked the entire Internet by posting it on Twitter like the sad, pathetic, desperate loser that he is, because I will cut a bitch), how could I say no to those beautiful blue eyes? This was my chance to finally declare my love.

The top ten reasons that I want to fuck Backpacking Dad are as follows:

10. He is a philosophy geek, so you totally know he’ll just want to lay around and ruminate on life’s mysteries surrounding post-orgasmic bliss.

9. He’s just so fucking pretty!

8. Since he’s Canadian, I know he’ll be polite and ask permission before making a mess on my back.

7. San Francisco is his home now, so he’s probably gay and just won’t admit it.

6. The man can fill out a pair of jeans.

5. He loves Buffy and Joss Whedon as much as I do. How can I let a lack of vagina get in the way of true geek love?

4. I’m a sucker for huge foreheads.

3. When I write “Mrs. Adam Burns” in cursive on my notebook, it looks really great.

2. He’s married to a lawyer, so he’s used to swallowing a load.

1. I already know that he likes things going into his “backpack”.

Thanks for letting me guest post, lover.