Adam Avitable is best-known for being an asshole in public and a humanitarian in private. He has friends in spite of himself. We get along well. I apologize in advance for what’s about to happen.
Hey there, Backpacking Dad fans. I’m Avitable, aka the guy who shows his nuts on the Internet. I’m recently divorced and dating, and while I’ve found lots of beautiful, lovely women who can’t get enough of a funny, hairy fat guy like myself, there’s really only one person for me. And when he asked me personally to write a guest post (do not DARE suggest that he asked the entire Internet by posting it on Twitter like the sad, pathetic, desperate loser that he is, because I will cut a bitch), how could I say no to those beautiful blue eyes? This was my chance to finally declare my love.
The top ten reasons that I want to fuck Backpacking Dad are as follows:
10. He is a philosophy geek, so you totally know he’ll just want to lay around and ruminate on life’s mysteries surrounding post-orgasmic bliss.
9. He’s just so fucking pretty!
8. Since he’s Canadian, I know he’ll be polite and ask permission before making a mess on my back.
7. San Francisco is his home now, so he’s probably gay and just won’t admit it.
6. The man can fill out a pair of jeans.
5. He loves Buffy and Joss Whedon as much as I do. How can I let a lack of vagina get in the way of true geek love?
4. I’m a sucker for huge foreheads.
3. When I write “Mrs. Adam Burns” in cursive on my notebook, it looks really great.
2. He’s married to a lawyer, so he’s used to swallowing a load.
1. I already know that he likes things going into his “backpack”.
Thanks for letting me guest post, lover.
OMG! I'm so glad I'm not drinking coffee right now cuz I would have spit out. That has to be the funniest thing I've read!!
You guys are awesome!!!
I'm sorry that you think you can laugh at my deep love for Shawn. I'm hurt now.
I didn't mean to hurt you. And your love for Shawn is evident… it's just the way you express it.
Man love.
It's the purest love of all.
I feel dirty now.
But I'm glad someone seems to like Burns. Other than his wife. Everyone needs to have options.
I love how I can always make you feel dirty so easily.
I am just grateful you didn't include an illustration.
Do you want a personalized one?
7. San Francisco is his home now, so he’s probably gay and just won’t admit it.
Hey, I will totally fight for his right to marry you, Adam. :)
You're a doll, LL.
Awwww, how sweet! If you are looking for a fag hag, I'm right here waiting, lol.
We're accepting applications.
We’re accepting applications.
If you're willing to post this, why did you mail me back my promise ring? *Sob*
wow, after my recent horrible breakup, this post made me feel like love can exist in this crazy, mixed up world after all.
Guy love is the best love a man can get.
The man can fill out a pair of jeans. Word.
Love it!
His ass looks like two gophers wrestling.
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahha! I needed an internet laugh today.
It's a good thing I know both of you, or I might be worried.
Oh, you should totally still worry.
Personally I think you just wanted to check out his manscape.
He's like the wild African manbush tundra down there.
Jim is gonna be SEW MAD.
♫ Caught in a bad Bromance… ♫
I'm waiting for him to send me nasty emails.
I've been in the same room as him! For Hot Blogger Calendar! But I wasn't in the calendar so I doubt he remembers.
He is very pretty. I had no idea he's Canadian! That's a bonus!
You were with NYCwatchdog, yes?
Surely my memory isn't that bad.
Why are some of my replies disappearing? Are they in your spam filter?
Yes! I'm his girlfriend. :) I am surprised you remember! Hi!
I know – pretty Canadians are awesome.
He's Canadian? And likes Buffy and Joss Whedon? And really fills out his jeans??? It just gets better and better! *sigh* I'd be jealous of all this bro-love but I'm not a dude, so I guess it's okay.
The only thing wrong with him is that little scrap of hair he calls a goatee.
Best thing I've read today.. with a lawyer joke too. Heh.
Lawyer jokes make the world go 'round.
Mrs. Adam Burns…. *snort* This is so wrong… but so right… I'm so confused.
Why confused? I'm just a man asking another man to let me fuck him.
That pretty much sums it all up right there. In one neat package. (I said package!)
This is going to be an interesting act to follow, Shawn. Thanks! (I think?)
Everyone should just give up doing guest posts for him after this one. :)
I'm jealous, but I'm not sure of who exactly.
I can't decide whether this makes me love the both of you a bit MORE or a bit LESS…..it's a draw.
Okay, sorry Jim, where ever you are, but that totally blew guy love out of the water.
I always knew I could never measure up. I guess I'll just have to stay with women.
Does Busy Dad know you're cheating on him?