I’ve long said that to complain someone is using Twitter wrong is like complaining that they are using paper wrong. It’s a medium for communication, so most criticisms of usage are really just criticisms of what is being communicated. While some people might disagree that others should be saying what they are saying at all it’s a stretch to indict them for also misusing a tool that is so open and formless.
Most “you’re doing it wrong” posts about Twitter are really just “Here are things that bug me about you” or “I really hate it when I have to read these types of Tweets” posts. They are lists of pet peeves. Sometimes they are couched in “you will hurt your brand” terms or some other best practices criticism that, while ostensibly about trying to convince people to use Twitter differently in order to improve their own lives, are really about the critic himself.
All that being said, there really are ways you are using Twitter wrong and you need to stop right now.
Top 5 Ways You Are Using Twitter Wrong
1. You are participating in corporate Twitter parties about cleaning products which are boring as hell so why couldn’t you find one sponsored by a beer or gun company?
2. You are complaining about all the corporate Twitter parties and how Corporation X is so evil oh my god but really even more than just routinely evil this one is so bad it blows your mind that anyone would ever mention their products.
3. You are live-Tweeting television shows that are on tape-delay where I live.
4. You are live-Tweeting stupid television shows like anything on CBS that isn’t The Big Bang Theory instead of awesome television shows like Dexter.
5. You are using Twitter to complain about tumblr being down. What the hell is tumblr? No, don’t answer. Then I’ll probably have to start tweeting about how terrible it is that it’s down.
There’s my list. It’s definitive. But just because it’s definitive doesn’t mean you can’t add your own. Perhaps I’m not sure what “definitive” means.