It Should Always Be Okay to Shoot Nazis

03/11/2011 By Shawn Burns

I read a lot of complaining from women about how whenever they want something done, they have to do it themselves. Why? Because their husbands are off playing Call of Duty instead of helping out.

Well, ladies, it’s time to stop complaining.

Call of Duty, for those who don’t know, is a first-person shooter style video game that pits the hero (your husband) against hordes of sneaky, evil, enemy soldiers. Most iterations of the game have a link to World War II, so the evil bastards your husband is off shooting are none other than Nazis. Nazis!

Who is worse than Nazis? No one. What happens if we let the Nazis win? No one wants to find out.

Think about this for a moment: If it weren’t for the diligent work ethic, and careful aim, of the proud men who devote hours of practice to defending the world from Nazis, we would all be speaking German right now. Do you know what happens if the Nazis in Call of Duty don’t get shot? Haven’t you seen The Matrix? Those programs get out into the real world and take over and try to use the Ark of the Covenant or the Holy Grail against us all.

That is what we’re up against. That is why we fight the good fight. That is why we don’t have time to do the dishes right now. The Nazis are everywhere. It is up to us to fight them.

Frankly, we don’t understand why you aren’t also taking up arms against the threat. Do you hate America? Do you hate freedom? The world needs your help. It does not need that picture hung right at this very second.