Beans Beans. They’re Good for the Heart. Something Something Something Fart. (Now with an update: Please ignore previous version of this.)

BeansThis was originally a very funny post ranting against soaking beans. I suggested just cooking them in a slow cooker all day (in part because the Larousse Gastronomique opposes soaking beans). Then someone was all “kidney bean poisoning” in the comments and I went and Googled things on the Interweb and OH MY GOD DON’T DO IT!!!!!!

Actually, the worry seems to be that if you undercook beans, you increase the risk of this particular kind of food poisoning. And if you undercook beans at a temperature like 175 Fahrenheit you actually increase the risk of this about fivefold. Apparently there are a lot of slow cookers out there that can’t get your food higher than that temperature range.

I do not want you to spend all day in the bathroom.

Go soak your beans.

5 thoughts on “Beans Beans. They’re Good for the Heart. Something Something Something Fart. (Now with an update: Please ignore previous version of this.)”

  1. Might the title of your second cookbook, should you go that far, be “Quinoa ‘Yer Damn Bitchin’!’?

  2. So glad I’m not the only one who cooks beans in the crockpot and obsesses over the price.

  3. I go with a 10 minute hard boil, one hour soak before changing to fresh water, then continue as normal. Rather that than risk kidney bean poisoning.

    1. I went and Googled “kidney bean poisoning” and OH MY GOD!!!!

      Post: Retracted. Even though it was mostly comedic, I still don’t want anyone spending all day in the bathroom because their slow cookers suck.

      1. Heck, I feel bad now, cos I enjoyed the original post! Didn’t mean to put a damper on, just wanted to share the shortcut soak to avoid potential tummy troubles (especially for small people). :( Keep enjoying them there beans (and fartin’!)

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