This was originally a very funny post ranting against soaking beans. I suggested just cooking them in a slow cooker all day (in part because the Larousse Gastronomique opposes soaking beans). Then someone was all “kidney bean poisoning” in the comments and I went and Googled things on the Interweb and OH MY GOD DON’T DO IT!!!!!!
Actually, the worry seems to be that if you undercook beans, you increase the risk of this particular kind of food poisoning. And if you undercook beans at a temperature like 175 Fahrenheit you actually increase the risk of this about fivefold. Apparently there are a lot of slow cookers out there that can’t get your food higher than that temperature range.
I do not want you to spend all day in the bathroom.
Go soak your beans.