Truant Officers Hate Him! This One Neat Trick Will Help You Get Your Kids To School On Time

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Do you suffer through delays, whining, and excuses from your kids in the morning when it’s time to go to school? Of course you do. We all do.

Well, this one neat trick will solve all of your problems! Never be late for school again! Never feel rushed! Keep your kids, and yourself, happy all day by getting off to just the right start!

Studies show that kids procrastinate between 5 and 900 minutes in the morning when getting ready for school. And this kind of delay is very frustrating for parents. Well, I’m here to tell you that you can avoid the contest of wills that comes from trying to get kids out the door on time.

I stumbled across this method when I was in one of my usual post-rush-out-the-door recovery naps. That’s when I do my best thinking. So I thought to myself, “Self, the kids take so long to eat their breakfast and get dressed in the morning that you always have to rush to get them to school on time. You should think of a better way!” And so I did. I thought and thought. And I figured out the answer.

It may seem obvious once you hear it. I mean, all great ideas are like that. We always think, “Well, I could have thought of that!” And you sure could have. By applying my “think and think” method to your parenting problems, nothing can stand in your way. And the proof is that I thought of how to get the kids out of the house on time without stressing or yelling or rushing them.

Are you ready?

I thought, “What if I woke up fifteen minutes earlier?”

Guess what? It totally works! When I started getting up fifteen minutes earlier, the kids were eating breakfast and getting dressed fifteen minutes earlier! They were putting on their shoes fifteen minutes earlier! We were getting out the door fifteen minutes earlier! We were getting to school fifteen minutes earlier!

You can use this method too. Simply PayPal $5 to me, and I will send you a Product Key for your very own “Get Up Fifteen Minutes Earlier” download. You will be ready to go in no time! (Well, fifteen minutes earlier than no time, in fact!)

Bonus: For those who get on board this method in the next fifteen minutes, I will include a free Accelerator Pack. In this Accelerator Pack, you will learn how to add even more time to your easy morning by having the kids get dressed BEFORE they have breakfast. That’s right, BEFORE! Research has shown that kids in pajamas eat much more slowly than kids who are dressed for school. Using this growing body of data, I devised the “Get Dressed Before Eating Breakfast” method, and I’m willing to include it FREE to a limited number of customers.

So act now to receive your “Get Up Fifteen Minutes Earlier” method and FREE Bonus Accelerator Pack. Supplies are limited!

Parents Who Misuse the School Listserv Are The Enemy

The kids’ school listserv offers a very easy way for parents to communicate with each other, and for the school to communicate with parents. Each classroom can send messages just to its own members, or messages can go school-wide. How wonderful!

And then there are the parents who think it’s a social network and use it to promote their pet causes or private events that “might be of interest to other parents” but have nothing to do with the school.

“Come to this wonderful Cub Scouts thing two cities away that my family will be at!”

“Save the local market from the evil developer! Sign this petition!”

“There’s a really interesting workshop on Rainbow Looms going on downtown next week!”

I don’t want to be the jerk here (though I do kind of want to be the jerk), but I am extraordinarily tempted to start a snarky listserv war.

“I think it’s very important that we decide if we, as parents, are Star Wars or Star Trek fans, and no, you cannot be both!”

“If we all go in on the lottery together, we could buy like 1000 tickets! We would definitely win!”

“Wanted: A new or gently used juicer. For sale: a gently used blender that my wife says “definitely looks like a juicer, but obviously isn’t which you would have noticed if you’d read the box”.”

I guess what I’m saying is: Don’t be the parent who sends a message to the entire school that begins with, “I know this doesn’t really concern the school, but…”

A Meatless Meatloaf Recipe So Perfect, It Will Fool Even the Most Carnivorous of Carnivores

There’s no shortage of meatless meat recipes on the Internet. But if you ask any committed carnivore, they will tell you that no matter how much quinoa or rolled oats you put into a dish, they will never be fooled. Meatless just tastes different.

Until now.

Now there’s the Perfect Meatless Meatloaf. With this meatloaf, you will never again hear complaints from your bloodthirsty friends and family when you try to get them to eat a little less animal protein and a little more bean paste.

First, make a meatloaf as you normally would. This step is important. This meatloaf must in all ways be a regular, meat-filled meatloaf. Your carnivores must see you making it, smell you baking it, and hear you mumbling the directions to yourself: “Okay, so now I start mixing the meat with bread crumbs. Okay, then I add a beaten egg to the meat mixture. Good. Wow, that’s a lot of meat.”

Second, just before serving, send the carnivores out to buy you something. Maybe you need beer, or Mass Effect 4, or new slippers. Oh no! You just realized you need those things, but you can’t go get them! Your hands are covered in meat! See? Look at how much meat there is!

When they get back, they will never realize the trick you have played on them. Serve up the meatloaf you made, then sit back and let the compliments roll in. “This is really great meatloaf! I can totally taste the meat! Delicious!” I guarantee, no one will accuse you of serving up a nutloaf covered in ketchup.

Suckers.